Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
