scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
