He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
