haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
