I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
