Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
