Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
