have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
