it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
