I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
