I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
