I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
