there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
