I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
