My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
