Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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