I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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