i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
