I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize