Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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