My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize