Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
handjob tips. give me some.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
