When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
