I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
