If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
