I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
