It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
