I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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