How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
