im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You ruined the universe
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