Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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