all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
