dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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