yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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