I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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