i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
