I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
