i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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