Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
