I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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