remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
