So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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