I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
