You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
