you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize