Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it because I queefed?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
