Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
