My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
