went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
