We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
