meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
