i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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