Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
