community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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