i already hear my dad disowning me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
