At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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