i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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