i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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