so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
