Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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