He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
