Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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