Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
