you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize