Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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