new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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