We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
