I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize