and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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