this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
