In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
