i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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