wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
