great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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