it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
