its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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