I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize