WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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