Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
