Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.