My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
