i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
