Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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