I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're too hungover to prance.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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