At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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