Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
