Can i not drive my cunt home
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
